I left my kids with my husband all weekend while I flew to California for a coaching retreat. It was magical. You should know though, that every time I plan to leave my kids, my primitive brain tries to talk me out of it.
There is a good reason for this. Our species would never have survived or thrived if mamas deserted their babies, so even today, when we’re thinking about leaving for a few days, our brains get right to work reminding us of all the things that could go wrong.
As moms, in a more modern era, we can tap into our ability to talk to and reason with that part of our brain, instead of constantly buying into the thoughts it offers us.
Hear that part of your brain out and then answer it with your prefrontal cortex, which is capable of higher cognitive functions, logically assessing situations to decide if they are safe or not.
My primitive brain offered me thoughts like, “What if the plane crashes and you never come back?” and “What if I don’t have enough milk stored and Hart gets dehydrated and sick and isn’t okay?”
I answered it with thoughts like, “You’re right, getting on a plane poses some risks, but chances are, I’ll be just fine and home to my babies in a couple of days. In the highly unlikely event that it does crash, I’ve left them with their dad who takes amazing care of them,” and “I’ve pumped enough for a couple feedings every day, Hart eats real food now and drinks great out of his cup. Since he’s one now, this is a perfect time for us to transition to relying less on breastmilk.”
When we choose to override our primitive brains, we allow them to experience firsthand how safe we are to take calculated risks. This expands us and our experience. It allows us to open ourselves up to everything that is available to us in this day and age.
How lucky are we to be moms in the 21st century?
If you’re ready to stop allowing your primitive brain to run you and thrive in these times, I promise you it’s possible for you, even with littles at home.
Here are two steps to help you do this:
1. Hear your primitive brain out and validate it.
Instead of trying to quickly dismiss its concerns with thoughts like, “Oh that will never happen,” hear your primitive brain out. Mine wasn’t being completely delusional when it cautioned me against getting on a plane and flying across the country and leaving my breastfed baby behind. There were risks involved and when I try to deny that and dismiss my brain when it cautions me, I don’t actually feel better. My primitive brain tries even harder to prove its point because it has one job and one job only, to keep me and my babies alive and safe. So hear that part of your brain out and validate it! You are taking a risk by leaving your babies, but it is calculated. In modern times, there are risks involved with never leaving them, too, and these are risks your primitive brain isn’t as likely to catch. Which leads us to our next step…
2. Take a deep breath and tap into your prefrontal cortex.
Your breath is such a powerful resource. It can soothe your nervous system and help you to tap into higher thinking. What are the potential benefits of leaving your kids for a weekend? What are the potential risks if you neglect your needs in this season? After you’ve heard your primitive brain out and validated it, reason with it using your prefrontal cortex. Logically think through the risks and benefits. If you want to, you can push yourself to lean into calculated risks to show your primitive brain that you are living in a different era and some things it flags as unsafe actually are the safer choice in these times.
Here’s to enjoying being mothers in modern times, working with both our primitive brain and our prefrontal cortex to create safe and expansive experiences for ourselves, our children and our families. 🥂
Ready to condition your brain to be on board for this? I can help you. This is my area of expertise and genius. I’ve taken my brain from fearful and anxious to calm and calculated. I’ve helped countless women do the same. You can let go of allowing anxiety and fear to dictate your experience as a mom. Motherhood gets to be fun. Book a session and let’s get to work making this your reality.
