I coach women often on their marriages.
A common theme I have found is that many women think their husbands have either lost interest in them as a person or never really appreciated their unique qualities to begin with.
For months or years, they feel sad and hurt thinking these thoughts.
Their husbands have never said they don’t like them or appreciate them, but maybe they don’t vocalize their feelings often or try to connect.
If this sounds even a little bit like you, keep reading.
When we feel sad and hurt we are more likely to withdraw from our significant other. We feel insecure rather than confident and it’s much harder to put ourselves out there from that place.
So maybe you are right. Maybe your spouse is just staying in your marriage out of obligation. But is there a chance that you could be wrong?
What if you are unintentionally poisoning your relationship with your own thoughts?
What if he actually really likes you?
If this is the case, wouldn’t it be such a tragedy?
Girl, you could be missing out on so much.
The truth is, you could have a husband who constantly compliments you and still worry whether he likes you. All the validation in the world could not drown out the endless stream of thoughts running through your head- thoughts that push compliments aside and constantly scan for the negative. Don’t get down on yourself if this is the case for you. It’s what our brains do. But do start to notice and become aware of those thoughts. Own them. See them for what they are- thoughts and not facts.
It is not your husband’s job to appreciate you and validate you. That’s your job.
As you learn how to do that for yourself, those depressing thoughts about his opinion of you will gradually fade away.
You will feel peaceful, confident and happy.
You’ll show up in your marriage that way and who knows, he might notice and dig it.
Regardless, your experience of yourself will be changed forever and that is what counts.
You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.
With love,
Kaili
Kaili Jacobson is a Certified Life Coach for mamas and the founder of Good Thoughts Rising. She helps women navigate marriage, motherhood and meeting their own needs- plus all of the anxiety that comes with those responsibilities. She believes in eating all the chocolate chips and staying up late to enjoy the silence. Kaili is a North Carolina native, but now resides in Charleston, SC with her husband and their darling little girl.